Origins of Halloween

This time of year has always had an air of mystery, magic and superstition; and ceremonies remembering the dead have been celebrated for thousands of years.

All Hallows' Eve is more commonly known as Halloween. It precedes All Hallows' Day, also known as All Saints' Day, on 1st November and All Souls Day on 2nd November. These dates hold a special significance across a variety of cultures throughout the world, as the veil between the worlds of the living and the dead is thought to be at its thinnest.

Halloween originates from pagan celebrations connected to harvests and seasons. The Celts and Druids celebrated Samhain on November 1st but the celebrations started at sunset on the eve of Samhain. Come sunset on 31st October, families would extinguish fires within the home and indulge in a "fall" cleaning to make way for the new season. Samhain was a harvest festival that was celebrated at the end of summer and commemorated the cycles of life. People would then gather to light huge bonfires to burn crops and animal sacrifices to the gods, in the hope that the sun would return and their crops would be plentiful.

Christians would carve jack-o-lanterns out of turnips to remember souls trapped in purgatory. It was recorded in 1837 that American colonies used pumpkins as a replacement to the tough turnips that the British used. This is a tradition that still lasts today, but how many of us know why we carve them?

Even the tradition of "bobbing for apples" is connected to harvest time and superstition, much like the pumpkins and turnips we how carve for fun. Apples were thought to represent fertility and many believed they could help predict their future love.

Image by Kim Fearheiley www.fineartamerica.com

It is believed that the boundaries between the living and the dead are thinner on All Hallows' Eve. People would often disguise themselves with costumes to hide from malevolent spirits out to cause harm or to signify the release of souls trapped in the physical World.

Today, we tend to dress up for slightly more fun and commercial reasons, with children playing trick-or-treat for sweets or gifts. Have we forgotten the spiritual side to Halloween, or do we remember it in the traditions we still follow?

Since Halloween is the day when most people are discussing death, often in a fun way, we're planning our first Death Cafe at the Brink on 31st October from 5.30pm - 7.30pm. There'll be a free slice of cake, a hot beverage and interesting conversation.

Death Cafe Liverpool

Death Cafe - Halloween 2013

We are proud to announce that The Bucket Project will be hosting Liverpool's first Death Cafe at the Brink, Parr Street, L1 4JN on 31st October 2013.

The objective of a Death Cafe is to increase awareness of death, with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives. It is based on an idea thought up by Bernard Crettaz, a Swiss sociologist who set up Cafe Mortels. His idea has since spread across the globe, evidencing a very real need for a place and opportunity for people to open up and talk about death. 

We will provide a comfortable place to relax and talk, with a hot beverage and a slice of cake. Our Death Cafe takes place at the Brink, which is Liverpool's first "dry pub." The Brink are known for their creative, community approach and put on a wide range of amusing, entertaining, educational and inspirational events - with the Death Cafe being just one of them!

The Brink, Parr Street, L1 4JN

Death Cafe is now an established social franchise that has reached over 3000 participants in around 300 separate Death Cafes all over the world. They are purely run on a voluntary basis by Jon Underwood in East London. He organised the first one in the UK, facilitated by his mum, psychotherapist Sue Barsky Reid, in his own home. It was hugely successful and has grown massively since 2011. You can find more information on Death Cafes by clicking here or have a look at our very own Death Cafe Liverpool page.

Feedback from previous Death Cafes have stated that the experience was "enriching" and "as far from gloom and doom as could be possible." We're hoping to replicate this in Liverpool on Halloween 2013. You can drop in any time from 5.30-7.30pm, but we would suggest arriving at the start to benefit from the whole experience. There will be free hot drinks, a slice of cake and a warm welcome. It's not often you get the opportunity to sit down and have an open conversation about death with other people who want to do the same.

Free cake at our Death Cafe!

So, if you haven't already, you should start making your plans for Halloween 2013. If you're interested in coming along to our Death Cafe and taking part in a global initiative, please email: rachael.mckindley@mariecurie.org.uk. Fancy dress is optional, but encouraged, since we're celebrating All Hallow's Eve, and there may be a prize for the best dressed! It's all free and you'll be among the first to participate in Liverpool's first Death Cafe. So pop in for a cuppa, cake and conversation.

Thank you to Ryan Spence at Five Mil Bleed for producing our Death Cafe Liverpool poster and to Terry McKindley for helping to get the creative juices flowing in the design process.

The Privilege of Preparing For Death

33 year old Rowena Darby has already written out a card for all of her son’s future birthdays and Christmases, his graduation and for his wedding.

She has terminal cancer, and said that she has no interest in creating a bucket list of things to achieve before she dies; she just wants to be a good mum to her son Freddie.

Rowena was bored in hospital whilst having her treatment, so went to a craft fair with her mum. She ended up buying a kit and making bracelets which she now sells for £10 apiece to save money to take her son on holiday. She then started to make all of the cards, which span right through all of his future birthdays and Christmases and even include his future wedding and graduation. She is also planning to compile a book of all the emails she has written to him.

Rowena has a very humbling view on her terminal diagnosis. “I’m privileged that I can prepare for my death - if I was in a car crash there would be none of these memories for Freddie.

“When I die it’s going to be awful for my family but at least they know it’s going to happen and because of this we’ve had the best quality time together beforehand.

“I know a lot of people in my situation create a bucket list but I just want to be a mum and do normal stuff with my son.

“There is nowhere I want to go - I just want to have a normal life with no regrets.”

Her view that she is privileged to be able to prepare for her own death is extremely inspiring. Part of our project is to encourage people to realise that we are all going to die and that we should all be preparing for death; but preparing for a death that one knows is imminent is a very different experience.

If you received a terminal diagnosis, how would you prepare for your death? Would you want to cross off the items on your bucket list, prepare your family for a future without you like Rowena, or something else all together? Let us know on Facebook, Twitter or email us.

"Death is a Graduation"

It is with a heavy heart that I (Lucy) am writing this blog to tell you that I am leaving The Bucket Project.

Not because I particularly want to, or because I found something better, may I hasten to add! 

I absolutely love this project and I love my job, so it feels a bit counterintuitive to have to leave so soon, but an opportunity cropped up that I just could not refuse. I have wanted to be a teacher for many years, but haven't felt quite ready or confident enough to go for it in the past. I have blossomed quite a bit in my short but sweet period of time with the Bucket Project, which in turn gave me the confidence to apply for teaching one last time. I was offered a place to start this September, and after much deliberation I decided to go for it. I've got a place at Edge Hill University to do a Primary PGCE specialising in English. I'm also hoping to incorporate music in there somehow too as I'm a musician and music graduate, so I'd like to be that crazy teacher who does ukulele maths games and makes the kids sing their spellings!

If there's one thing working for this project has taught me, it's that you're never too young to make the most of life. Our project advocates planning for your death, but I also think we advocate planning for your life too - go and tick off that bucket list of yours! That's what I'm going to do. I would have loved to stay longer and perhaps put my teaching off until next year, but it was one of those things where if I didn't do it now, my courage might have disappeared again. I've always liked the above Elisabeth Kubler-Ross quote, and thought it was quite apt considering this time next year I will be hopefully be graduating again!

It means that my job is now available to apply for. If you are looking for an administrative post with a rather large dash of creativity involved, this may be for you! You can view the job online on Marie Curie's recruitment website. Since I've been here, I've set up this blog and tried to build up our social networking engagement, so it would be fabulous if the person who replaced me could carry that on and improve it even more. There are also lots of projects and events coming up to plan, so there's lots of fun to be had too. It's a fantastic job, a very worthwhile project and a lovely work environment - I couldn't recommend it enough.

I'm here until the end of August, so there will be a few more blog posts and suchlike from me until I take myself off to learn how to teach little people!

The Royal Circle of Life

Is there a hint of sadness to Queen Elizabeth's face on the day of her coronation?

The Bucket Project would like to offer our congratulations to William and Kate on the birth of their baby boy!

You can't go anywhere online without seeing mention of the Royal Baby, because it's not every day an heir to the throne is born... but here at The Bucket Project (as we usually do) we've been thinking about it in a slightly different way to most.

The Royal Family is an institution like no other. Whether you're a monarchist or a republican, there's no denying that the history behind the monarchy, the royal family tree and the baffling layers of pomp, circumstance and tradition are fascinating to look into. There's the complicated many-barrelled surnames, the way the slightest bit of royal news will dominate every single channel all day, and the hoardes of people who line the streets for days before events like weddings, births and deaths of people they have never met.

The birth of a new heir to the throne got us thinking, though - what does it actually mean to be an heir? When a new King or Queen is crowned, it can only happen when the previous monarch has died; the new monarch's parent.

It must be very strange for a royal to know that they are born into a role that is ready and waiting for them with no real choice either way, and to know that they can only fulfil this role when they lose one of their parents. Is there any time for grieving for a young prince or princess? Our current Queen Elizabeth II was only 25 years old when she lost her father, King George VI, and became queen herself. It is impossible to imagine how it must feel to take on the responsibility of an entire commonwealth so shortly after losing a parents. She herself was still a young girl who lost her father; if this had happened to a commoner it would be a tragedy and her family would rally round to support her.

Royals are such public figures expected to have such a high level of composure, so there is little chance of being able to show any grief publicly or perhaps even in private. It is difficult for anybody to endure the loss of a parent, especially somebody as young as 25 - but what mixture of emotions could this stir up in somebody who is not only not given time to grieve for their father and instead has to take on the biggest responsibility there is? Is there a sadness to the coronation of a monarch that is never focused on in the media? What effect does this have on the bereavement process? Equally even when ascension to the throne is not involved, their mourning is played out for billions to see on televisions at state funerals. Many people will remember how brave William and Harry were for their mother Diana's funeral, with hardly a tear shed between them. How could this have affected two little boys who lost their mother so young, having to make such huge public appearances in front of the world's media?

We wonder how it feels for the royals to know that their destinies can only be fulfilled when a family member dies. There is such beauty and excitement in the birth of any baby, especially one we know will someday be the face on our ten pound notes. However, there is a dark side to the celebration of a new royal life knowing that his great grandmother, grandfather and father will all have to die before Prince George of Cambridge becomes king. It seems that the royal family's newer generations are becoming ever more open and down to earth, as William and Kate seem to live far more of a "normal" life than our Queen or Prince Charles ever did; hopefully it will mean they can support each other through difficult times out of the very public eye under which they live.

"Parting is such tweet sorrow..."

During Dying Matters week in May, Dying Matters asked what your final Tweet would be if you could write it now. We've blogged about what happens to your Twitter acount when you die, but if you could predict your very last Tweet before you die what would it be?

They got back a real mish mash of funny, heartfelt and pop culture responses. A lot of people felt they couldn't top the late Spike Milligan's epitaph of "I told you I was ill". Some of our favourites were:

"Parting is such tweet sorrow"
"You all know I have a small fortune hidden away but you don't know where. Well, I'll tell you. It's in..."
"The coffee pot is cold, the jokes have all been told. Goodbye to all the souls who sailed with me the longer way" (Billy Bragg's 'Goodbye, Goodbye')"

They even had responses from celebrities and MPs such as Stephen Fry and Alistair Campbell.

Search the hashtag #FinalTweets on Twitter to see what other people said.

Even though Dying Matters week is over, our work continues all year round - so we'd like to extend the question: what would your final Tweet be? Let us know over at @Bucket_Project!

From Our Newsletters: Unusual Options for Your Cremated Ashes

Due to factors such as expense and space, more people are opting to be cremated these days. Ashes are then being scattered, buried or kept in more ways than you can imagine…

Fireworks
Have your ashes packed into fireworks and then organise a remarkable firework display in your memory.


Bullets
Similar to the firework idea, ashes can be put into bullet casings and fired off in a salute.


Tattoo 
You can now have cremated ashes mixed with tattoo ink and permanently etched onto your skin.


Vinyl Record
Use ashes to create your favourite vinyl record. Just make sure you choose your song wisely...

Flying High
Rather than spreading a loved ones ashes by foot, why not have them scattered from an aircraft?

In the Garden?
A new idea is to have your ashes made into something that can take pride of place in your garden such as urns that double-up as a bird house or ornamental features.

Chew on this...
A new and fascinating idea of turning one's ashes into pencils has emerged. Apparently 240 pencils can be made out of one person's remains.

Space Dust 
A company now offers memorial space flights that will release a portion of your ashes to orbit the earth, or will simply take your ashes on a mission that will return them to earth afterwards.

Portraits of the Dead
It is possible to have your portrait painted with a mixture of paint and your ashes. A great, visual way for your loved ones to remember you?

Blown Away
You can have your ashes placed into a biodegradable balloon that is released into the air. It eventually pops and your ashes are dispersed.

Underwater Eternal Life
There is now the option to mix your ashes with cement to form an awesome artificial reef! The reef ball will then be placed on the ocean floor to create a dynamic new reef. Family and friends can participate in the casting of the reef and can later dive and visit.

Diamonds last forever?
Another option is to turn your ashes into diamonds. Pet lovers can also turn their beloved animals into an everlasting sparkling reminder.


What would you like to happen to yours?

Going Out in a Blaze of Glory

Over a thousand years ago in the land of the Vikings, if you were a peasant your funeral would most likely consist of a hole in the ground and not much more. However, if you were worthy of it, you'd get a Viking burial.

The way the burials were carried out could differentiate, but the overall belief was the same. The Vikings believed that after death they would join the Gods in the afterlife. They envisaged that they would need the same tools in the afterlife as they did whilst alive, so Vikings were buried with all of their worldly possessions. Men were commonly buried with tools and weapons, whilst women would take with them their jewellery and domestic equipment. It was important to Vikings that the deceased were buried with the same social standing as they had in life, so that they did not become homeless, wandering souls for all eternity. The barrows they were buried in often directly correlated to the wealth and social class of the deceased, in a similar way to the expense of a person's casket nowadays. Food and drink was sometimes included as a last meal for their final journey.

Vikings were often put in ships or boats with all of their worldly goods. People often think of Viking burials as ships set on fire and pushed out to sea, but apparently it was actually more common for small purpose built boats to be buried in the ground. Some were even made out of stone and set out in the soil. The big, extravagant ship burials we associate with the Vikings tended to be reserved for important people and kings.

Nowadays it would be pretty hard to replicate a Viking burial due to the rules and regulations of where burials can legally take place. It wouldn't be entirely impossible; you would just have to work closely with the various agencies in charge of the legalities of burials at sea and open air cremations, etc.

The idea of taking your worldly possessions with you is interesting, though. In the time of the Vikings they were things like tools and weapons, but what would that be in the modern age? A man's modern "tools" may consist of his iPhone, his PlayStation and maybe parts of a beloved car or motorbike. As a woman, I don't much like the idea of being buried with my domestic tools - the idea of sharing my casket with bottles of Cif Lemon and scrubbing brushes doesn't exactly fill me with glee! I like the idea of taking things with me though, perhaps photographs of loved ones, sentimental jewellery or some memories of key moments in my life.

What would you take with you?

From Our Newsletters: Disturbing Disney Deaths

Did you know we have a series of newsletters you can download from the Newsletters tab? Every so often we will re-post an article from past newsletters. Here's one from our Spring 2013 edition about the dark side of Disney films...

Disturbing Disney deaths 

You might think that kids' movies would gloss over the less pleasant sides of life, in an effort to shelter children's innocence for a little while longer. But Disney has other ideas! Death is a common theme in many Disney films, and sometimes those deaths are pretty brutal.

Ursula's Stabbing, 'The Little Mermaid'
Take Ursula's death in 'The Little Mermaid', for example, she's the bad guy of the film, so she has to go somehow. But did she really have to die by getting impaled on the jagged front edge of a sunken ship? And then she gets electrocuted too, just in case you thought she might survive getting stabbed directly in the gut.

Judge Doom Gets Dipped, 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit'
Judge Doom from 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit' is one nasty character. He is the main judge in Toontown and gets his jollies by punishing wrongdoing toons, preferably by killing them with his special Dip substance called.

When it's time for Doom to get his comeuppance, he first gets run over by a steamroller. Then, he stands up, flaps his paper-like limbs on over to an air pump, and blows himself back to relative normalcy. How is he even still alive? As it turns out, he's a toon, just like the ones he's killed with his dastardly Dip.
Thus, we get not only one horrifying death scene for Judge Doom, but two: he inevitably falls victim to his own creation, screaming like a banshee as he melts in a puddle of Dip.

Ray Gets Squashed, 'The Princess and the Frog'
It's one thing when the bad guys get taken down in the final act, but it's much more heart breaking when it happens to one of the good guys. In 'The Princess and the Frog', the talkative Cajun firefly named Ray meets his demise much sooner than anticipated.

What happens to the poor little critter? Well, he gets stomped to death! Never has the crunch of a dead bug brought so many tears!

Emily Binx and the Sanderson Sisters, 'Hocus Pocus'
Though 'Hocus Pocus' is arguably the best and most beloved children's Halloween movie ever made, we can't honestly claim that it's an entirely innocent endeavour. A creepy zombie cuts open his mouth and coughs up dust and leaves, and a cat gets flattened by a speeding bus. But even those scenarios aren't the most disturbing moments in the film!

In the beginning, the Sanderson Sisters kidnap an adorable little girl, tie her up to a chair, and proceed to suck the life-force out of her until her body lies dead and limp. Then, as a punishment for this terrible deed, the three witches are hanged in front of a town full of onlookers. Disney definitely isn't afraid to go dark!

Oogie Boogie Falls Apart, 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'
In Tim Burton's 'The Nightmare Before Christmas,' Oogie Boogie's demise is a rather disgusting one. As Jack Skellington grabs onto one of Oogie's loose strings, his sackcloth "body" unravels to let out his innards - thousands of disgusting bugs.

Ellie Grows Old, 'Up'
Lastly, this Disney death isn't as gruesome as the rest, but it still has the ability to absolutely destroy a viewer's hopes and dreams. Of course I'm talking about Ellie from 'Up,' who kicks the bucket less than ten minutes into the film.

First, though, we're treated to Carl and Ellie's love story. As they grow up, they build a happy life together. Then, Ellie grows old, gets sick, and dies.

Even if they don't get eaten by a wild animal, impaled on a spike, or hanged from a tree in the forest, people get old and die. Thanks for the reminder, Disney!

These are just a few examples of how we are exposed to death from a young age. We shouldn’t be scared to talk about it – even to young children.

There is a range of information available on how to talk to children about death with age appropriate literature. Child Bereavement UK, the Alder Centre, Marie Curie, Macmillan and Liverpool Bereavement Service are just some of the places that could help.

We’re working on a collaborative initiative around Bereavement policies in schools with a number of partners – watch this space for news or contact us if you want to get involved.

Everybody Needs Good Neighbours

On the last Friday of May, we headed down to Parklands School in Speke to take part in South Liverpool Housing's Neighbours Day.

We were extremely lucky with the weather - the sun was scorching even at 10am when we arrived to set up!   We had a stall with all of our new merchandise on there; mugs, badges and our brand new tote bags and trolley coins.

Neighbours Day was a brilliant opportunity to meet people living in Speke and the surrounding area, especially people not in a healthcare setting who may not know about who we are and what we do. We gave away all of our bags within half an hour of it being open and had to go back to get more - so if you spot anybody walking around with our logo on a bag, let us know!

There were all sorts of activities going on like a mini funfair, free massages and even a stall with snakes, rabbits and owls being flown about! We got free massages and emerged back to our stall feeling very floppy and relaxed.

We struck up lots of conversations with people who seemed to be mainly tempted by the goodies on our stall... We quickly find that everybody has a personal experience of death or losing someone, and a quick conversation starter like one of our newsletters or a bag can prompt a chat with even people who think the idea is all too morbid at first. That's what our project is all about, and it's so rewarding to see our brightly coloured branding and tongue in cheek newsletter articles doing their jobs well. A particular favourite moment of ours was asking a lovely young boy what he wanted to do before he dies, and expecting him to say something like "own a Ferrari" or "play for Liverpool" he completely shocked us by saying "to make my family happy". Our Community Chalk Wall showed us that quite often people tend to concentrate on family, experiences and happiness rather than gaining material things.

Halfway through the day, Merseyside Police pulled up behind us with their van and laid out all their uniform and riot gear for people to try on... Lucy couldn't resist playing dress up!

It was great to chat to so many people and get our message out there to some local residents. Watch this space for information about events we're attending in the future, pop along and say hello and we might give you one of our highly stylish bags!

Before I Die, I Want To...

During Dying Matters week in May, we were very excited to launch something that has never been seen in Liverpool before. We put a chalk wall in an empty shop in the beautiful India Buildings, and asked people to tell us what they want to do before they die.

"Before I Die..." is a project started by artist Candy Chang. She struggled to cope with her bereavement after losing someone close to her, and was looking for a way to channel her grief. She painted the side of an abandoned house with blackboard paint and stencilled it with a grid of the sentence "Before I die I want to________" and left some chalk. People passing by would pick up pieces of chalk and add to the board. By the next day, the board was bursting with people's lift aspirations and wishes of the things they'd like to achieve in their lives. Candy realised she wasn't alone in trying to make sense of her life, and felt a great sense of consolation.

She found that people were asking her to help set one up in their local area, and she began to send out toolkits all over the world. The global Before I Die project was born, with people in all over the world doing their own walls and uploading them to the Before I Die site. There are now over 200 walls in 15 different countries.

We decided that there was no better time to launch one in Liverpool than Dying Matters week. We worked closely with Liverpool Commercial District BID who helped us to secure an empty shop in the beautiful and historic India Buildings on Water Street. Our creative Project Manager Rachael managed to work around the conundrum of not being able to drill an actual chalkboard up anywhere, and made one out of black paper that we could take down and replace when it got full.

We managed to almost fill our wall on the first day it opened, and we noticed that hardly any of the responses related to material things. We'd expected to see "before I die I want to own a Ferrari" or "own designer clothes" but most of what people wrote was about family, happiness and experiences. Some people were reluctant at first to write when gently coaxed by us to come in... but as soon as they had a piece of chalk in their hand they said it had really made them think about the things they'd like to accomplish.

Here are some photos of the two chalk walls we ended up filling before it was closed on 3rd June:

The sign outside our beautiful shop

Mini chalk boards

We have our very own mini site for the chalk wall over at Before I Die, where you can view more photos and a bit about the project: Before I Die: Liverpool

Unfortunately our wall closed on 3rd June. We are currently looking into ways to keep it alive all over Liverpool, and we'd love to hear any ideas if you think you know where we could put one. If you had visited our wall when it was open, what would you have written on there?

Guest Blog: Stare Death In the Face and Play It Awesome Music

Image © Christina Owen

Here is the first in our series of guest blogs. We're very excited to present a fantastic blog from Christina Owen; ambulance worker, photographer and friend of The Bucket Project:

Stare Death In the Face and Play It Awesome Music
Christina Owen

Sometimes I think about my funeral. I want everyone to wear bright colours and I know exactly what songs I want played too (Good Riddance by Green Day and Take On Me by Reel Big Fish in case you wondered). Cake will be served afterwards and everyone will, of course, cry and say how great I was. It will be a beautiful day, and if the sun doesn't shine then I'd like it to tip it down with rain all day long.

You may think it's a little morbid to picture my funeral when I'm still young and in excellent health (I'm 29 and fit and well). But the truth is that death is often a difficult subject to avoid in my line of work. I work on an ambulance, and I rub shoulders with the sick and the dying most days of the week. Sometimes I stare death in the face, literally. And when you do that for a living, as anyone working in a healthcare profession will know, you develop quite an upfront attitude towards death. Because it's happening, whether we like it or not. At some point, whether it be a long way off or sooner than we think. It's one of those things that no one gets to escape, no matter how long and hard we hunt for a Philosopher's Stone or a really, really good BB cream. It's probably pretty easy to pretend death isn't coming for you in your day to day life - unless you spend your day to day life working in a hospital or like me, on a moving mini-hospital. And then it's a little harder.

So, I plan my funeral in my head and hope that when the time comes, I will write some of it down and have some level of control over it. But I know that really, I could fall down dead and not get a chance to put anything in place. And then an awful song might get played at my funeral and I will have to just live with it (or die with it more accurately). You hear about the slightly comical situation in which a normally healthy person suddenly clutches at their chest and lets out a groan and then turns up their toes without another word. But here's some news you may not expect (and that I certainly didn't expect the first time it happened in front of me): it really does happen. It’s like - a thing. Falling down dead. I'm not saying it's time to start making a will right this second (although you’re never too young and it’s never too early) but it does mean it's okay to think about these things. You like to have a certain level of control over your life, right? After all, it's YOUR life. What about your death? It's really okay to think about these things, and talk about them too. Keeping the subject all taboo and hush-hush isn't going to make it go away.

Sometimes, for fun (!), I sit down and think about what I might die of based on what my grandparents died of. I roped my housemate into this game once too, and the evening ended with us announcing 'heart disease!' and 'cancer!' like we were playing Top Trumps. Then we laughed about it. Because, why not right? If I was suffering with one of these diseases, I like to think I could still laugh about it. Because again, being all sombre isn't going to make it not happen.

In my job, I regularly come into contact with people who are living with illnesses that will eventually kill them. I won't lie - it's difficult to know what to say to them, or what tone to strike. Often, they dictate the tone, and I find that more often than not, they make jokes. Octogenarians (or older!), whether healthy or sick often wag their finger at me as if scolding me and tell me 'don't get old!' and we chuckle, and I say 'I'll try not to!' We smile at each other, and it is usually a sad smile, because one of us knows they have nearly reached the end and the other knows they will one day be in the same boat.

If you CAN see death coming then amid the jokes you may or may not make, it's a good idea to start planning for it. Make a will so that your family are well protected after you've gone. Get a DNAR (Do Not Attempt Resuscitation) if that's what you want, otherwise should you drop dead in the street one Tuesday morning whilst out shopping, green-clad people like me will turn up and start jumping up and down on your chest like there's no tomorrow. You may not want that, and this is where the Do Not Resuscitate Order comes in. It gives you some dignity and it might reassure your family too, so talk to them about it. That way, when we turn up in our ambulance, they can wave the document in our faces, and we'll stand down immediately. Discuss death with your GP. Discuss it with your family and friends. Make the jokes if you want, or be really sombre about it - it's your prerogative. After all, it's YOUR death. And like life, you can approach it how you will. And like life, approach it loudly and unashamedly. Because like life, it WILL happen.

It's okay to be afraid of death. It is scary. I get scared about it every day (and I don't mind admitting this to my patients. After all, there's no point pretending to be a robot, right?). But don't be afraid to talk about it. And don't be afraid to tell everyone what song you want at your funeral, and what sort of desserts you want. Mine is loud American ska-punk and double chocolate. What's yours?

Christina also co-runs a blog at 100Happy, which is all about finding the little moments of happiness in life.

ALIVE: In The Face of Death

Image © Rankin, with thanks to Walker Art Gallery

"Death; we can deny it and medicine can delay it, but it is life's only certainty. Despite this, it remains the ultimate taboo in British society today"

Yesterday, to celebrate the fact that our birthdays at the Bucket Project fall within days of each other, we took an educational trip to the Walker Art Gallery to have a look at their new exhibition.

ALIVE: In The Face of Death by photographer Rankin is a collection of photographs of people who have been touched by death in one way or another. You might associate Rankin with his photographs of people like Kate Moss, The Queen and Madonna, but this exhibition stems from a personal connection with death that Rankin felt after losing both of his parents. He wanted to confront the fears he had around death. The first thing that hit us when we walked in was how personal and intimate every photograph felt, so far removed from the images of celebrities usually associated with his work.

The contrast of the people featured is stark, ranging from those who are faced with terminal diagnoses to those who have survived tragedies like the London bombings of July 2007, and people who work within the death industry. We particularly loved this image of local lads Sam and Dan Lloyd, who both have muscle wasting disease Duchene muscular dystrophy. They have a life expectancy of around 25, but at 17 they exude such a love for life and passion we couldn't help but feel really inspired by them. Even Rachael, the Blue half of The Bucket Project, felt like she could get on board with their football passion despite it being for Liverpool FC!

Image © Rankin, with thanks to Walker Art Gallery

We loved the photographs of Rankin with his face painted like Mexican Day of the Dead masks, all in bright colours and beautiful designs. It evoked the ideas of death being a celebration and not something to fear, of it being a gateway to something else entirely that could be brightly coloured and beautiful; a far cry from the monochrome funereal images we often see when thinking of the ways we remember the dead.

Image © Rankin, from Liverpool Echo

There were two particularly interesting parts of the exhibition that made us think. On one wall is a collection of "life masks" - masks of living celebrities cast in the style of ancient Egyptian death masks. It was haunting to see imagery usually associated with the dead juxtaposed with people who are very much alive, including contemporary celebrities such as Joanna Lumley and Abbey Clancy. On the opposite wall is a collection of portraits of people working in the "death industry" such as a grave digger, a palliative care consultant and most interestingly a group of Ghanian professional mourners. We didn't even know that professional mourners existed, and it was eye opening to learn about the funeral traditions of other cultures.

The exhibition is breathtakingly powerful. The way Rankin presented his subjects in ways that were personal to their own battles was evident in each portrait. 23 year old Fran wanted to be photographed with butterflies because "They move so effortlessly and so gracefully…they’re the opposite of me. They’re free, whereas I’m not", and Sandra Barber wanted to portray her inner warrior to show the strength she had drawn from to fight breast cancer. Every single photograph has a detailed story beneath it, and it's impossible not to feel incredibly humbled and inspired by the outlooks these people have developed to cope with the enormity of being touched by death.

Outside the exhibition is a wall covered in brightly coloured Post It notes from visitors, sharing their views on the exhibition. It was fantastic for us to see people talking about death so openly, especially the people who wrote that it had made them think or talk about death for the very first time.

Me (Lucy) writing on the response wall

We definitely recommend that you catch this exhibition before it finishes in September. If we were to sum up the entire essence of our project in one room, this exhibition would most definitely be it. Seeing death personified in the faces of people who have come close to it and even lost their fear of it was certainly an empowering experience.

If you do end up going to see it, be sure to let us know what you thought.

ALIVE is at the Walker Art Gallery, Liverpool until 15 September 2013.
#AliveXRankin

#AfterIDie

Image credit: http://blog.snapapp.com

Have you ever thought about what happens to your social media accounts after you die?

If you watched this year's installation of Charlie Brooker's Black Mirror back in February, you might have seen the episode "Be Right Back" featuring a pretty futuristic account of how technology could keep our loved ones alive after death. It follows a bereaved young widow in the days after the untimely death of her husband, who is offered a digital device that acts and talks just like her husband did, based on his Facebook posts and Tweets. She starts slowly by having online conversations with her "husband", as the programme creates algorithms to reply in the same way as he would have when alive by scanning through all of his previous online posts and imitating his personality. She becomes so addicted to this contact with her late husband that she eventually goes a step further and orders a real life, walking talking replica of him to relieve her grief.

Most of Charlie Brooker's fantastical ideas are close enough to the bone to make us think differently about modern society, yet far enough removed to remain impossible... but it seems like this isn't as distant as you might think.

Apps like DeadSocial and LivesOn have been built to ensure your digital legacy lives on after your passing. With scary similarity to that episode of Black Mirror, LivesOn actually does scan all of your previous Tweets and continues to Tweet in your "style" after you die.  It analyses your tastes, things you like and even your syntax. You can test it whilst you're alive, guiding it to provide more accurate Tweets, then appoint an Executor of your account who can notify LivesOn you've died and start the post-death Tweeting. DeadSocial works slightly differently in that you control the content that is posted after you die, as you create a series of messages to be sent out posthumously to friends and relatives.

There is debate from psychologists about the effect this might have on the bereavement process. Would you embrace this if you lost a loved one as a way to keep their memory alive? Would this help your grief by making the transition easier and less abrupt, or do you think it could be damaging to the grieving process and the adjustment to life without the person who has died?

Without these services, what happens to our social media services when we die is a bit of a grey area. Giving your passwords to relatives violates most websites' terms and conditions, and some advise against putting passwords in your Will because they can become public property and could be accessed by anybody. Currently Facebook has an option to memorialise accounts of the deceased so that it can be a place of remembrance and people can still continue to post messages on their wall, like a digital grave. However, the process can be lengthy and requires proof of identity that family members may not want to have to deal with at an already distressing time.

What do you want to happen to your social media accounts when you die? Do you agree with apps posting on your behalf? Whatever you decide, it's good to have a think about how you'd like your online accounts to be managed after you die - and there's no time like the present.