What is a ‘Death Café’?

Image from deathcafe.com

The name ‘Death Café’ can be off-putting to many people as talking about ‘death’ is an extremely taboo subject not only here in the UK but in a number of western capitalist countries across the world.

 

The Death Café is a global initiative developed by Jon Underwood in 2011, taking inspiration from Café Mortel in Switzerland created by sociologist Bernard Crettaz. It is a temporary event that provides a comfortable place to talk about topics relating to death and dying whilst eating nourishing nibbles and cakes which are served alongside tea and coffee (free at our Woolton Death Café).

Image from eatitdetroit.com

 

The image you first associate with this kind of event may be a group of people with a morbid fascination gathered around a table. However this couldn’t be further from the truth. A variety of people from different backgrounds and life experiences attend and discuss a wide range of topics that can be both inspirational and touching.

 

It may not be for everyone; however, it is obvious that there is a need for comfortable and safe spaces for people to talk about death, proven by the growing popularity of this initiative. It may not be easy talking about death and loss but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t. Death happens to everyone and is something we all have in common. A survey conducted by Dying Matters discovered that more than 70% of people are uncomfortable talking about death.

People talking at a Death Café in Portland, USA
(Image from komonews.com)

 

Talking about death doesn’t have to be morbid, it can make you think about how you want to live and what you want to achieve, helping to make the most out of our (finite) lives. Through breaking down the taboo surrounding death together we can be more prepared.

 

If you are interested in finding out more or would like to book a place in our upcoming Death Café on the 24th February, email me at amy.king@mariecurie.org.uk or chat to us on Facebook and Twitter.

If the Death Café isn't for you, email us and let us know ideas and events that you would be interested in.

 

The Privilege of Preparing For Death

33 year old Rowena Darby has already written out a card for all of her son’s future birthdays and Christmases, his graduation and for his wedding.

She has terminal cancer, and said that she has no interest in creating a bucket list of things to achieve before she dies; she just wants to be a good mum to her son Freddie.

Rowena was bored in hospital whilst having her treatment, so went to a craft fair with her mum. She ended up buying a kit and making bracelets which she now sells for £10 apiece to save money to take her son on holiday. She then started to make all of the cards, which span right through all of his future birthdays and Christmases and even include his future wedding and graduation. She is also planning to compile a book of all the emails she has written to him.

Rowena has a very humbling view on her terminal diagnosis. “I’m privileged that I can prepare for my death - if I was in a car crash there would be none of these memories for Freddie.

“When I die it’s going to be awful for my family but at least they know it’s going to happen and because of this we’ve had the best quality time together beforehand.

“I know a lot of people in my situation create a bucket list but I just want to be a mum and do normal stuff with my son.

“There is nowhere I want to go - I just want to have a normal life with no regrets.”

Her view that she is privileged to be able to prepare for her own death is extremely inspiring. Part of our project is to encourage people to realise that we are all going to die and that we should all be preparing for death; but preparing for a death that one knows is imminent is a very different experience.

If you received a terminal diagnosis, how would you prepare for your death? Would you want to cross off the items on your bucket list, prepare your family for a future without you like Rowena, or something else all together? Let us know on Facebook, Twitter or email us.