Guest Blog: Stare Death In the Face and Play It Awesome Music

Image © Christina Owen

Here is the first in our series of guest blogs. We're very excited to present a fantastic blog from Christina Owen; ambulance worker, photographer and friend of The Bucket Project:

Stare Death In the Face and Play It Awesome Music
Christina Owen

Sometimes I think about my funeral. I want everyone to wear bright colours and I know exactly what songs I want played too (Good Riddance by Green Day and Take On Me by Reel Big Fish in case you wondered). Cake will be served afterwards and everyone will, of course, cry and say how great I was. It will be a beautiful day, and if the sun doesn't shine then I'd like it to tip it down with rain all day long.

You may think it's a little morbid to picture my funeral when I'm still young and in excellent health (I'm 29 and fit and well). But the truth is that death is often a difficult subject to avoid in my line of work. I work on an ambulance, and I rub shoulders with the sick and the dying most days of the week. Sometimes I stare death in the face, literally. And when you do that for a living, as anyone working in a healthcare profession will know, you develop quite an upfront attitude towards death. Because it's happening, whether we like it or not. At some point, whether it be a long way off or sooner than we think. It's one of those things that no one gets to escape, no matter how long and hard we hunt for a Philosopher's Stone or a really, really good BB cream. It's probably pretty easy to pretend death isn't coming for you in your day to day life - unless you spend your day to day life working in a hospital or like me, on a moving mini-hospital. And then it's a little harder.

So, I plan my funeral in my head and hope that when the time comes, I will write some of it down and have some level of control over it. But I know that really, I could fall down dead and not get a chance to put anything in place. And then an awful song might get played at my funeral and I will have to just live with it (or die with it more accurately). You hear about the slightly comical situation in which a normally healthy person suddenly clutches at their chest and lets out a groan and then turns up their toes without another word. But here's some news you may not expect (and that I certainly didn't expect the first time it happened in front of me): it really does happen. It’s like - a thing. Falling down dead. I'm not saying it's time to start making a will right this second (although you’re never too young and it’s never too early) but it does mean it's okay to think about these things. You like to have a certain level of control over your life, right? After all, it's YOUR life. What about your death? It's really okay to think about these things, and talk about them too. Keeping the subject all taboo and hush-hush isn't going to make it go away.

Sometimes, for fun (!), I sit down and think about what I might die of based on what my grandparents died of. I roped my housemate into this game once too, and the evening ended with us announcing 'heart disease!' and 'cancer!' like we were playing Top Trumps. Then we laughed about it. Because, why not right? If I was suffering with one of these diseases, I like to think I could still laugh about it. Because again, being all sombre isn't going to make it not happen.

In my job, I regularly come into contact with people who are living with illnesses that will eventually kill them. I won't lie - it's difficult to know what to say to them, or what tone to strike. Often, they dictate the tone, and I find that more often than not, they make jokes. Octogenarians (or older!), whether healthy or sick often wag their finger at me as if scolding me and tell me 'don't get old!' and we chuckle, and I say 'I'll try not to!' We smile at each other, and it is usually a sad smile, because one of us knows they have nearly reached the end and the other knows they will one day be in the same boat.

If you CAN see death coming then amid the jokes you may or may not make, it's a good idea to start planning for it. Make a will so that your family are well protected after you've gone. Get a DNAR (Do Not Attempt Resuscitation) if that's what you want, otherwise should you drop dead in the street one Tuesday morning whilst out shopping, green-clad people like me will turn up and start jumping up and down on your chest like there's no tomorrow. You may not want that, and this is where the Do Not Resuscitate Order comes in. It gives you some dignity and it might reassure your family too, so talk to them about it. That way, when we turn up in our ambulance, they can wave the document in our faces, and we'll stand down immediately. Discuss death with your GP. Discuss it with your family and friends. Make the jokes if you want, or be really sombre about it - it's your prerogative. After all, it's YOUR death. And like life, you can approach it how you will. And like life, approach it loudly and unashamedly. Because like life, it WILL happen.

It's okay to be afraid of death. It is scary. I get scared about it every day (and I don't mind admitting this to my patients. After all, there's no point pretending to be a robot, right?). But don't be afraid to talk about it. And don't be afraid to tell everyone what song you want at your funeral, and what sort of desserts you want. Mine is loud American ska-punk and double chocolate. What's yours?

Christina also co-runs a blog at 100Happy, which is all about finding the little moments of happiness in life.

ALIVE: In The Face of Death

Image © Rankin, with thanks to Walker Art Gallery

"Death; we can deny it and medicine can delay it, but it is life's only certainty. Despite this, it remains the ultimate taboo in British society today"

Yesterday, to celebrate the fact that our birthdays at the Bucket Project fall within days of each other, we took an educational trip to the Walker Art Gallery to have a look at their new exhibition.

ALIVE: In The Face of Death by photographer Rankin is a collection of photographs of people who have been touched by death in one way or another. You might associate Rankin with his photographs of people like Kate Moss, The Queen and Madonna, but this exhibition stems from a personal connection with death that Rankin felt after losing both of his parents. He wanted to confront the fears he had around death. The first thing that hit us when we walked in was how personal and intimate every photograph felt, so far removed from the images of celebrities usually associated with his work.

The contrast of the people featured is stark, ranging from those who are faced with terminal diagnoses to those who have survived tragedies like the London bombings of July 2007, and people who work within the death industry. We particularly loved this image of local lads Sam and Dan Lloyd, who both have muscle wasting disease Duchene muscular dystrophy. They have a life expectancy of around 25, but at 17 they exude such a love for life and passion we couldn't help but feel really inspired by them. Even Rachael, the Blue half of The Bucket Project, felt like she could get on board with their football passion despite it being for Liverpool FC!

Image © Rankin, with thanks to Walker Art Gallery

We loved the photographs of Rankin with his face painted like Mexican Day of the Dead masks, all in bright colours and beautiful designs. It evoked the ideas of death being a celebration and not something to fear, of it being a gateway to something else entirely that could be brightly coloured and beautiful; a far cry from the monochrome funereal images we often see when thinking of the ways we remember the dead.

Image © Rankin, from Liverpool Echo

There were two particularly interesting parts of the exhibition that made us think. On one wall is a collection of "life masks" - masks of living celebrities cast in the style of ancient Egyptian death masks. It was haunting to see imagery usually associated with the dead juxtaposed with people who are very much alive, including contemporary celebrities such as Joanna Lumley and Abbey Clancy. On the opposite wall is a collection of portraits of people working in the "death industry" such as a grave digger, a palliative care consultant and most interestingly a group of Ghanian professional mourners. We didn't even know that professional mourners existed, and it was eye opening to learn about the funeral traditions of other cultures.

The exhibition is breathtakingly powerful. The way Rankin presented his subjects in ways that were personal to their own battles was evident in each portrait. 23 year old Fran wanted to be photographed with butterflies because "They move so effortlessly and so gracefully…they’re the opposite of me. They’re free, whereas I’m not", and Sandra Barber wanted to portray her inner warrior to show the strength she had drawn from to fight breast cancer. Every single photograph has a detailed story beneath it, and it's impossible not to feel incredibly humbled and inspired by the outlooks these people have developed to cope with the enormity of being touched by death.

Outside the exhibition is a wall covered in brightly coloured Post It notes from visitors, sharing their views on the exhibition. It was fantastic for us to see people talking about death so openly, especially the people who wrote that it had made them think or talk about death for the very first time.

Me (Lucy) writing on the response wall

We definitely recommend that you catch this exhibition before it finishes in September. If we were to sum up the entire essence of our project in one room, this exhibition would most definitely be it. Seeing death personified in the faces of people who have come close to it and even lost their fear of it was certainly an empowering experience.

If you do end up going to see it, be sure to let us know what you thought.

ALIVE is at the Walker Art Gallery, Liverpool until 15 September 2013.
#AliveXRankin

#AfterIDie

Image credit: http://blog.snapapp.com

Have you ever thought about what happens to your social media accounts after you die?

If you watched this year's installation of Charlie Brooker's Black Mirror back in February, you might have seen the episode "Be Right Back" featuring a pretty futuristic account of how technology could keep our loved ones alive after death. It follows a bereaved young widow in the days after the untimely death of her husband, who is offered a digital device that acts and talks just like her husband did, based on his Facebook posts and Tweets. She starts slowly by having online conversations with her "husband", as the programme creates algorithms to reply in the same way as he would have when alive by scanning through all of his previous online posts and imitating his personality. She becomes so addicted to this contact with her late husband that she eventually goes a step further and orders a real life, walking talking replica of him to relieve her grief.

Most of Charlie Brooker's fantastical ideas are close enough to the bone to make us think differently about modern society, yet far enough removed to remain impossible... but it seems like this isn't as distant as you might think.

Apps like DeadSocial and LivesOn have been built to ensure your digital legacy lives on after your passing. With scary similarity to that episode of Black Mirror, LivesOn actually does scan all of your previous Tweets and continues to Tweet in your "style" after you die.  It analyses your tastes, things you like and even your syntax. You can test it whilst you're alive, guiding it to provide more accurate Tweets, then appoint an Executor of your account who can notify LivesOn you've died and start the post-death Tweeting. DeadSocial works slightly differently in that you control the content that is posted after you die, as you create a series of messages to be sent out posthumously to friends and relatives.

There is debate from psychologists about the effect this might have on the bereavement process. Would you embrace this if you lost a loved one as a way to keep their memory alive? Would this help your grief by making the transition easier and less abrupt, or do you think it could be damaging to the grieving process and the adjustment to life without the person who has died?

Without these services, what happens to our social media services when we die is a bit of a grey area. Giving your passwords to relatives violates most websites' terms and conditions, and some advise against putting passwords in your Will because they can become public property and could be accessed by anybody. Currently Facebook has an option to memorialise accounts of the deceased so that it can be a place of remembrance and people can still continue to post messages on their wall, like a digital grave. However, the process can be lengthy and requires proof of identity that family members may not want to have to deal with at an already distressing time.

What do you want to happen to your social media accounts when you die? Do you agree with apps posting on your behalf? Whatever you decide, it's good to have a think about how you'd like your online accounts to be managed after you die - and there's no time like the present.

Welcome to The Bucket Project

Hello!

Welcome to The Bucket Project's brand new blog. We are a community project based in Liverpool aiming to open up conversations about death, dying and loss, and breaking the last taboo around death.

You can find out more about us and what we do using the links at the top, and you can download our newsletters. If you'd like to join in the conversation, there are links to our Facebook and Twitter in the sidebar. In the coming weeks, this blog will feature write ups of what we've been up to, things we've been thinking about and even some guest blogs - so if you'd like to write for us, get in touch.

Last week we hosted a very successful Dying Matters week here in Liverpool. This week we'll be writing about our fabulous community chalk wall that we launched in India Buildings, our conference and the various other things we got up to... watch this space!